19th shot

THE 19TH SHOT

It’s a lot like breathing underwater.

What is?

Dealing with this world, It’s a lot like breathing underwater.

If you want to look at life that way…. I Guess. ..

What do you mean? If I want to look at life THAT way?

Well you say life is like breathing underwater which is impossible unless you are a water dwelling creature.

I think you are misinterpreting what I’m saying and trying to rationalize it in some fucked up simple minded way. But, I suppose that’s what you are good at.

I step away from the mind of morons and back into the world of decisive decisions. Or something of that nature being the fact that I don’t know what or how I’m supposed to continue being here. This place is like a mud puddle that never ends. It’s a good thing we are all blessed with a pair of galoshes. Some of us that attempt enough to stay away from wearing them out anyway.

It’s like a pachinko machine.

It’s like a swan dive into concrete.

It’s like snatching a bird from the roof of your house.

Hey.. Have you decided yet?

What am I deciding?

If we’re going to the museum?

Oh.. I forgot you wanted to go..

Jesus! Where the fuck is your mind at these past few weeks?

I take a moment of reflection before answering. I’ve been sitting in contemplation for what seems like a million short years. I haven’t aged during this period but I think my mind is slowly giving up on what it is that everyone wants in life. I think of a safe reply and speak.

You hadn’t mentioned it in a while, so I figured you might have changed your mind.

Oh?! So I’m dressed and looking like I’m going somewhere for no fucking reason.. What ever Rand. Fuck you.

I watch as she stands up, walks across the room, opens the door, and slams it the way she should.

I don’t smile.

I don’t stand up.

I don’t pretend.

I light a cigarette and stare out the side window into space.

Time moves forward a bit. I’m no longer peering out the window. I’m standing on a small covered bridge watching the blue gills swim through the shallow water underneath.

This isn’t the type of bridge you can jump off of when you’re sick of everything. You would have a slim chance of breaking your neck if you landed just right. But it’s just not worth the loss if you miss.

Feet taking me farther.

Feet stop.

Eyes look up.

Eyes read sign.

Sign symbols : SECONDSTOPBAR

Sound magnified in triple time.

Cigarette tossed to street.

I take a seat at the ninth science stool and count the bottles on the wall without thinking about it. Fifty three in total. Eighteen of them are completely full. The rest are in sequences or random amounts full or empty. I’m not a half full half empty person. I’m a what’s there person.

Can I get you something sir?

I move my eyesight slightly left to meet the eyes of a young bar maid. She’s not attractive in any sort of the way. She has bobbed brown hair, an extremely filthy shirt, blue jeans, and she’s mouthing the words to sexy bitch. I don’t know how long I’m sitting here looking at her so I answer.

I’ll have a shot of the fifth bottle, top row, red label.

Heh.. Alright?

She looks at me queerly with a slight smile. She grabs the bottle down from the wall, and dumps a shot into a glass in front of me.

Anything else honey?

I’ll have a shot of the ninth bottle to the right of the last, with the yellow label, with brown letters.

After eighteen shots; I’ve fixed the neglected.

Anything else? Any other certain colored bottles you’d like to drink?

I’m sorry?

Well you didn’t name any of the drinks you wanted. Just the color..

Yea, I can’t read. Thanks though. You’re Bar is now somewhat more equal. Thanks for having me.

I light a cigarette at the bar and take a long drag.

Honey, you can’t smoke in here.

I stand up slightly and catch my weight on the bar stool.

Cigarette tilted in my mouth I reach my left hand in my pants pocket and my right hand in my inside jacket pocket.

Honey.. You can’t smoke in here.

I toss a hundred dollar bill on the bar and follow it with a loud burst of sound.

Silence creeps in the room except for the radio.

The bullet ends up somewhere in the ceiling.

The cigarette falls from my lips.

My head hit’s the bar first and my body pulls it downwards to the floor.

It strikes hard against the linoleum.

I can hear screaming slowly fading out.

I hear You can’t smoke in here echoing.

I try to breath normally while someone is turning me over to see if I’m okay.

I can see their mouth moving.

I smile and tell myself they are saying you can’t smoke in here.

I try to say something but it’s like breathing underwater…

i can't handle anything anymore. I want to actually rip off the heads of every other person i see. That's not much different than the normal thoughts that i have about most people but i really can't help it anymore. time bombs are in place for such explosions. No lja;skdfpOUhe

lkj ... fuck you

watching

Yourself die is quite a spectacle.

Pulling up old photos and feeling like shit because they aren't new ones. a spectacle.

what this blog is entitled running wild.

Diamonds and Rust by Judas Priest

I'll be damned, here comes your ghost again
But that's not unusual
It's just that the moon is full
And you decided to call

And here I sit, hand on the telephone
Hearing the voice I'd known
A couple of light years ago
Headed straight for a fall

But we both know what memories can bring
They bring diamonds and rust
Yes we both know what memories can bring
They bring diamonds and rust

Now I see you standing with brown leaves all around and snow in your hair
Now we're smiling out the window of the crummy hotel over washington square
Our breath comes in white clouds, mingles and hangs in the air
Speaking strictly for me we both could've died then and there

Now you're telling me you're not nostalgic
Then give me another word for it
You were so good with words
And at keeping things vague

Cause I need some of that vagueness now
It's all come back too clearly, yes, I love you dearly
And if you're offering me diamonds and rust, I've already paid

But we both know what memories can bring
They bring diamonds and rust
Yes we both know what memories can bring
They bring diamonds and rust

Diamonds, diamonds and rust
Diamonds, diamonds and rust
Diamonds, diamonds and rust
Diamonds, diamonds and rust

Something i'm gonna do

I'm going to go back and play every castlevania and give an unbiased review of each game. And if i actually do this. I will be pretty happy about it. If i don't write the reviews, i'll be pretty happy while playing them.

N64 games will be involved....... gasp- barf- yuck- But i'm going to give them another try.

trying to level

Failure eats away

I've tried all the things people say. None work.

All the things i like either don't know, don't care, or they are invisible worlds hidden inside of multimedia

Movies, books, and games are my reality. and even more so now.

I would really like to get something to eat that isn't nothing.

Since March. Miserable

Since April. Unemployed due to store closing. Went to Florida and hung out with dad for a while. Drove about to some cities in states and bars i hadn't been to. Job applications not answered. Ones that were, were dead ends. Unemployment stopped carrying me due to how i am. Sold lot's of my stuff, need to sell more. Lot's and lot's of beer, coffee, and smokes.

Since now. very tired of it all.

Need . A JOB, some fixing, tacos, peanut butter, and probably someone important.

give up

Dying to be dead

random blurbs

A king shall hold fast to his crown.

In life and in death let there be only silent perfection.

May he carry his brethren to the seas of the righteous,

And may we all die by the sword.

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All i know is everyone is blind to the obvious.

and I think i'm turning into Issac Newton.

I haven't had an apple in like a year, but i'm oblivious to the world outside of what i think i need to know and figure out.

Maybe i should write all my findings down so someone can find them one day and understand that i'm fucking insane.

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The Nameless took me to some woods the other day and i found a ten dollar bill.

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possible song titles

-Accidental Ejaculation

-Oops i chopped your dick off

-Gloryhole in the Confessional

-Beastiality killed the Cat

-I burn myself because i like the smell

-Next time remind me to take my dick out of your mouth before i smack you

-Worst mouth Sore bleeding

-Wineglass Nipples

-Three P.O.V.

-Nub Job

-Golden Shower morning 'the breakfast of Midas'

-The kindergarden teacher's got Blue Balls

-He touches me incorrectly

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I want a grilled ham sandwich with american cheese

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My instant coffee has an odd smell of hot dog juice, but still tastes the same. I'm not sure what to think of that.

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“Getting my oil changed is more exciting than his life.”

“He sucks so bad, Satan won’t even let his gay ass into hell”

“That’s the most annoying person that’s ever tried to talk to me.”

“What the fuck is this guy? (link to profile) And why the hell does he talk to me like we’ve been friends for years? I’d rather cut my arm off for a good time, then talk to this guy.”

“Being gay isn’t an excuse. This guy is fucked.”

“Dude should have went a little deeper.”

“Next time he should try to swallow the razors.”

“That guy creeped me the fuck out, and I was just listening to him talk to you.”

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I woke up in the dirt in the middle of my grandparents woods this afternoon. My mouth tasted like Bloody mud and stale cigarettes. Must have been a good night.

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I lost like 25 lbs recently since all i've been eating is different variations of noodles. If i wasn't drinking so much beer i would probably be back to my mono weight.

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I wanna pinwheel through the stars like they do by themselves.

I wonder if they want to walk on a planet like i do.

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Watch out for the hooligigs, i'm not sure what they are but i know they're after me.

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I was thinking that if i could find a submarine i could torpedo myself through the ocean and pretend to be a superhero. But the force of the shot would probably kill me instantly, but i'm sure i would still look like an underwater superhero. The only problem with this is i wouldn't get to experience it after death took over, and the fact that ocean dwelling beings can't read.

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I'm so successfully drunk that i don't know if the walls are moving or if my eyes are attempting a flee. But i'm damn sure that it took way too much to even get me tipsy.

I'm winning the battle against the give a damns.

i ... am .... not.... that...

dead

I once knew a man who claimed he was dead.

I never questioned it.

I think I know what he means now.

I hate Dogs

I’m not that interesting.

I spend my time in circular mind trances.

People look to me like I’m Socrates.

I don’t enjoy where I am or where I could be.

I’d like to jump really high but lack the motivation to stand up.

I spend my free time in other worlds, pretending I’m thousands of years behind.

I’m a mental vigilante with no outsourced marketing.

I have a sweet tooth for something that’s not mine.

I don’t get paid what I think I should get paid. (which is not that much, but enough to survive.)

I’m a cartoon character in real world problems.

I’m stuck in a hilarious forty-five degree angle.

What happened to the time when time was the time when I paid attention to time.

I want to be in an envelope, sent far away, and get returned to sender.

I think I was born a Samarian with a fifties outlook on life.

I wish I could remember when new things were invented that weren’t on infomercials.

I see in black and red and can only feel blue and gray.

I can smell yellow and orange but those are my least favorite colors.

I can feel auburn and crimson, one I like; the other courses through me.

I dream of bathtubs full of blood, but not the jail time.

Hi. My name’s Brett, and I’m not that interesting.

Homerow Bound

Everything is falling someplace else

i'm not worried, so don't worry 'bout me

And when i'm no longer in this place

you can wonder by yourself while i wander by myself

and don't you think that you've won

because everything falls someplace else

and i won't worry about you if i don't hear your name

and when i'm walking these streets at night

looking up at that kaleidoscope sky

It won't matter where i am

because we both have a pair of eyes

and don't think that you have to gloat

because everything falls someplace else

and i won't worry about you unless i see your face

and when i'm sitting nose deep in my studies

trying to figure out how death works

I'll continue to hope that the world floods

because i'd rather drown, than explode

and don't think that you need to worry

because everything falls someplace else

and i won't worry about you unless you cross my mind

The lyrics to the Next Album

Get Gone

Would you tell me a story

Don’t make it too long

Cause I been working to hard to get gone

But if it’s interesting

I might stick by

If it’s not

then you’ll read in the paper that I died

Everything in this place

Is a waste of time

And all the people - living on someone elses dime

And if you want to

Yes, if you want to

You can go the journey with me --- and get gone

Get Gone -- and say good bye

We can say good bye-- Good night

They give you compliments

To keep you around now

They want the physical - and we all know that parts a lie

Give me a reason

Give me one now

But you ain’t got one - So let’s go ahead and get gone

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A Better Sound

I woke up in a daze - wasn’t confused - but I saw that mother fucker - running in the distance

My feet started running - with no direction - and I ran that bastard down

Before I could think - it was in my hand - and a beat the asshole black and blue

There was blood all over - he was screaming - and there was only one thing left to do

I cut him from his navel to his teeth

And tossed his organs all around

I screamed revenge with a smile

And couldn’t think of a better sound

She opened her mouth - looked me in the eye - said I better get the fuck out

I stood in silence - fists clenched - and I knocked her to the ground

Bloody nose - missing teeth- she told me to get the fuck out

I smiled with my eyes - grabbed the coffee maker - and beat her till shut up

I cut her from her navel to her teeth

And tossed her organs all around

I screamed revenge with a smile

And couldn’t think of a better sound

I lit a cigarette and looked around

And couldn’t think of a better sound

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Fallen For you

And all the words I just can’t say

Are all revolving around my brain

I just don’t understand

--------------------------them anyway

What is this, that I don’t know

It starts to swing it starts to pull

I’m stuck in the wave

--------------------------of the null

My insides were barren so many years

Through clouds of smoke and cases of beer

And I just can’t seem to think this could be true

So whoa oh oh

And a wah oo oo

So whoa oh oh

And a wah oo oo

Ooooo ooooo

I think I’m falling for you-

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A Cool - (a dedication to friendship)

Well AC - he’s A - Cool dude

I think I’d like to take him out tonight

Cause he says the funniest shit I’ve ever heard

Well AC 0 He’s A - Cool Guy

And I think he’s fucking righteous okay

Don’t worry bout him he’s not a gay

Well one time he told me everything was kinda weird

And I told him not to sweat it - there’s nothing to fear

So he grabbed me on the ass - I said what the fuck

He said don’t sweat it man - cause there’s nothing to fear

Well AC - he’s A - Cool dude

I think I’d like to take him out tonight

Cause he says the funniest shit I’ve ever heard

Well AC 0 He’s A - Cool Guy

And I think he’s fucking righteous okay

Don’t worry bout him he’s not a gay

Now there was another time when he told me

That the world was shitting -shitting on him - I told him to smile

He said why - oh Why - Should I

I said because not every turd can strike ya

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Dearest You're Dead

I don’t know how to say good bye

I don’t know how to say sia nara

I don’t know how I’m supposed to say hello

Not sure how to say see ya tomorrow

Cause now that you’re gone and stinking up the place

Laying there on the carpet in blood stains

I outlined your corpse so they wouldn’t have to

Though I know they’ll still get closer than I’d like

I don’t know how I’d clean this all up

I don’t know how I’ll forgive myself

I don’t know how or where I’ll end up

Not sure how to say I need your help

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I don't wanna Wake Up

I comb my hair at night just incase sleeping is the last thing I do before i die

And if your wondering what’s going on with me

Just recall all the good memories of me

Like that time we stole all the babies from their mangers

I’m sure all those Jesus’ loved the flame we gave

All the times we just barely escaped danger

Or all the times that bible thumpers said we can still be saved

I stop by the bar at night just in case driving is the last thing I do before I die

And if you’re wondering if tomorrow I’ll still be ok

I’ll be there with bells on with new aftershave

Like the time we all thought the world was going to end

Y2k was such a silly fraudulent joke

But we got drunk anyway, two belligerent friends

On a trip to give the devil his dues

I drink scotch at night just in case I wake up before I die

Cause I’d rather not endure a world with sober eyes

Fucking up my comprehension of paradise

Like the time we thought it would be the coolest thing

To dress up like women at the local steak n shake

Or the time we sold everything but our own things

Cause money from goods is better then aids

I comb my hair at night just incase I don’t wake up before I die

And I stop by the bar at night just incase driving is the last thing I do tonight

And I drink scotch at night just in case I wake up before I die

I don’t wake up before I die

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Kill You Again

I remember when the gun went off

You said please please please forgive me

I remember when the gun went off

I aimed and fired once again

I remember when you hit the floor

You said please please please stop it

I remember when you hit the floor

I aimed and fired once again

And if only I could only kill you again

I remember when she finally told me

Sorry baby but I slept with him

I remember when she finally told me

I aimed and fired once again

I remember when I saw his face

And his face smiles at me to this day

I remember when I saw his face

So I aim and fire once again

And if only I could only kill you again

I remember when the police came

And they fired at me as I turned

I remember when the police came

I aimed and I fired once again

I remember when I fell to the ground

And they all yelled drop it drop it

I remember when I fell to the ground

So I aimed and fired once again

And if only I could only kill you again

And if only I could only kill you again

Kill you again

Kill you again

Kill you again!

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Me + Me = square

I don’t sleep at night because I read too much

Sitting up all night playing sega master system

Altered beast is telling me to “ Rise from you Grave”

People lie so I got no reason to stay true to them

They tell me that I drink way too much

That alcoholics always stay at home in an attic

I don’t give a fuck about their stupid society

And I don’t take my pills cause I feel alright -ok?

Chorus- And yeah - so what - I still love Nintendo

You laugh- she cries- cause I don’t wanna grow

And yeah- so what - I still love castlevania

You laugh- she cries- cause I’m a maniac

I’ve got no single problem with anyone I know

Sit by myself at night at a random 24 hour joint

I’d rather just sit and read or write a book

Then go out partying until it’s too late to come home

They say I’m a paranoid schizophrenic

It’s probably true, but I don’t think I give a shit

I’d rather sit up and play videogames all night

Then go out - get stoned- fuck you- I’m not lame like you

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The Taint Splitter

The Taint Splinter

You’ve probably read about me

in the Sunday news paper

You’ve probably seen drawings of me

On the magazine stands

You’ve probably thought I was disgusting

After a section on the news

You’ve probably wanted to kill me

After you’ve heard the things I’ve done

They Call me the Taint Splitter

You probably wondered what the pink sock was

When you found out you probably puked

You probably wondered why I keep them

When you heard they turn up gone

You probably wonder where I put them

Well I keep them in mason jars

You probably wonder what’s wrong with me

Well I couldn’t answer that question

They Call me the Taint splitter

Now you’re all cheering

Cause the finally got me behind bars

They got to give the socks back to the families

To bury them out in the graveyard

All you smiling at me through the window

As I’m strapped to this chair

You all laughing as the electric courses through me

While the rest of you just glare

They called me the taint splitter

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Silo Of Bye-ness

She said you don’t know what love is

I said I tried it - didn’t like it

She said you don’t know what love is

I said I tried it - never forget it

Everytime I turn around people always ask me

Where you going with your life

What you doing with your time

Every time I turn around people always say

You need to find a wife

You need to find your way

I can’t stand to listen to what other people think I need

All she ever does is fucking bitch at me

I won’t stand for stupid idiotic themes

I write my words - I write my name

She said you don’t know what love is

I said I tried it - didn’t like it

She said you don’t know what love is

I said I tried it - never forget it

every time I rubberneck people look at me

Like I’m a moron

Like I’m a doofus

Every time I think I’ve made it through this

Someone reminds me

Someone reminds me

I can’t stand for other people’s romance

It’s not their world - this is my place

I won’t stand for other people’s agendas

I’ll do what I want - I write my own play

(Play out ----)

I’m like a shakespearin fuck job

I’m a tragedy before it even starts

I’m like a whiff on a change up

I’m swinging with all my heart - to win it for the club

T-Bird

Murder...?

Virtue...?

does it get you sweaty?